Believing in Myself

Cul de Sac comic published 12/3/11.

I love this heart-warming reminder about the importance of believing in yourself.  This cartoon appeared in the paper at the perfect time for me.  Lately, the job hunt has had me feeling rather down.  Truth be told, I struggle with believing in myself enough as it is.  Add the demoralizing, inhumane process of looking for employment and the normal daily struggle becomes a seeming insurmountable task.  Oh, how I wish it was as easy as standing on top of a manhole cover and willing myself to believe in myself.  GRRRRRRRGHRRRRRRR! 

If you're a member of my facebook page (and please join if you haven't!), then you know I'm still waiting to here back about a job.  The waiting part is so frustrating and has led me to this current not-believing-in-myself rut.  Here's the recap of all the ups and downs:

• October 9 (two months ago!)- one of my former instructors, "Carol," asks me if I would be interested in a potential position at Company I.  One of her friends was doing some freelancing work with them and heard they might be looking for someone to come in and help with a big project.  Being the valuable networking friend she is, Carol instantly thought of my name when asked if she knew anyone who might be interested.  Yay!  I believe in myself!
• October 10- Carol sends my name and a brief recommendation to two employees at Company I who are directly involved in this big project, "Janice" and "Emma".
• October 11- Emma sends me an email.  Would I be interested in coming to their office on the 19th for a meeting?  YES!!!!  Just give me a time.  Super believing in myself!
• October 14- I'm panicking a little bit.  The believing in myself meter drops.I still don't have a time for my interview.  What do I do?  I decide to send an email to both Janice and Emma.  Emma emails me back right away- how about 4pm?  The meter is back up!
• October 18- While preparing for my interview, I realize that I had not confirmed my availability.  D'oh!  I quickly rectify that problem and attach my resume, but my believing in myself meter falls a little bit.
• October 19- Emma thanks me for confirming (meter goes up!) and mentions, "by the way, this is not an interview but an informal get-to-know-you chat."   What does that mean??!??  Is that a good or a bad thing?  The meter goes down a bit.  I think the informal-get-to-know-you chat goes well.  Emma remembers me from a previous interview for a different position at Company I, which seems to be a good thing.  But have I convinced them that I'm ready, willing, and excited about doing the kind of work that they need?  The meter wavers.
• October 20- I send a thank you email to both Janice and Emma.  And wait.  Every day of waiting causes the meter to dip a little bit further.
• November 15- Almost a month after my informal-get-to-know-you chat Jessie asks me if I would be interested in returning for a second "conversation", this time with the VP for the department, "Lydia."  I believe in myself again!  I immediately confirm my availability for the conversation.
• November 17- I meet with Lydia for about 20 minutes.  Short interviews, or conversations, always make me nervous.  On the plus side, she has a scientific degree as well, so she understands the technical-and-creative-at-the-same-time thing.  My meter wavers a bit as I relive the conversation in my head.  Lydia told me she could get the final approval very soon (as in the next day).  I send my thank-you email that night and get an auto-reply response.  Lydia is working remotely on Friday and will be out of the office the following week.
• November 18- No word.  The waiting begins.
• November 30- Still no word.  I send another email to Lydia to check on the status of the position.  And I receive another auto-reply response.  Augh!  She is working remotely for the week and may not be able to respond to emails quickly.  My hope falters with every passing day.  I feel that at this point every day of waiting lessens my chances by a little bit.  Meanwhile, due to a severe case of I-really-want-this-job-itis, I don't have any other opportunities in the pipeline.  I start to feel that this job is my last hope at employment.  I've been out of school long enough that my appeal to employers is falling rapidly.

Oh, if only it was as easy as Alice makes it seem!  At lease she was able to remind me that believing in yourself is really important.  Not only is it something I should work on improving, it is something I absolutely must work on.  Success is not possible without it.  So, without further ado, GRRRRRRRGHRRRRRRR!